My Father​

When I was pregnant with my first daughter in 2011, my father suffered a stroke just a few months before my due date. It was a hard time, an experience I never imagined I'd go through, during what was supposed to be one of the most special moments in my life. He brought me up spending so much of our time outdoors.

He loved to explore, roadtrip, travel, experience new things and had the most beautiful zest for life that was contagious and absolutely beautiful.

I remember waking up before sunrise to take long walks and runs on the beach until we couldn't stand the heat anymore, then run in to take dips in the ocean.

After my father suffered his stroke, he spent over a month in the hospital in an induced coma and unfortunately never returned to his normal state. While he was in the coma, I gave birth to my firstborn, Layal. When I look back, I don't know how I was able to hold it together during such a difficult stage in my life. I feel like when God takes something away from you, he replaces it with something else, and that's what helped me stay sane during that time. As I was losing my father, I was also giving birth to my daughter, and somehow, I was able to cope.

In the weeks that followed, the sadness caught up with me, and I felt like it hit me all at once. I was depressed and hormonal. I never felt more alone, even though I had just become a mother and had a very supportive husband by my side. When my daughter was about three weeks old, I knew I had to do something. I had no idea what, but I knew I needed to get in my car and go somewhere to just breathe, think and process my mixed emotions. So, I got in my car, and I drove from San Jose to Point Reyes, California. I remember parking the car around sunset and asking the first ranger I saw where the best place to do a short hike would be. I had never been on a hike alone before, let alone with a newborn daughter. I was the only one on the trail as most of the people were headed home at this time. He said, 'Keep walking until you get to the Divine Meadows.' I asked him how I would know what the Divine Meadows are, and he said, 'Trust me, you will know.'

So I took his advice and decided to go. As I was walking, the fear of being alone plus my sadness began creeping up on me. The air was crisp and cold. I was thinking about everything I’d been going through in the past few months and everything I was feeling in that moment: the feeling of being overwhelmed, lonely, sad, and helpless. I kept walking, and with each step, I began to feel so grateful. I remember looking around at the trees and my daughter and feeling so thankful for all the blessings that I had: my health, my daughter, and the ability to feel the air and experience so much beauty. Before I knew it, I came across this opening, and in that moment, I collapsed to my knees, with my daughter in her carrier, and just cried uncontrollably. The beauty overwhelmed me so much that all I thought of was how can you be in such a place and not be grateful? How can you not believe that there is a higher power? That God is there, watching over all of us, helping us and answering our prayers, and has created all of this beauty around us that we tend to take for granted and not appreciate as we should. In that moment, I knew this is my calling. This is where I heal, thrive, smile, breathe, feel alive, and am at peace."